Have you wondered what it is that makes a person confident? What’s the difference between being confident and cocky? What is it about these people that make it seem they have everything all together in their lives?
If you’re anything like me you’ve spent countless hours wondering what it takes to be like them, searching online for the answers trying to find out exactly what are the qualities and characteristics of a confident person?
We’re going to delve into the details here to find out what makes people confident, what defines their confidence, the benefits, and characteristics, what the signs of lack of confidence are, and how you can act and show more self-confidence.
Self-confident people are happy and comfortable with who they are.
I used to believe confidence meant being outgoing, bold, and loud. I thought if I wanted to become more confident in myself I would have to become an extrovert because most people assume self-confidence and extroversion go hand in hand.
It’s not so much about being able to speak in front of large groups of people or being the life and soul of the room. I found out that introverts can also be confident.
Confidence is more about knowing who you are and being content with that, which is self-acceptance.
What Are The Benefits Of Being Confident?
Confident individuals have high self-worth and manage problems well, without getting in a state and they manage their stress well which means they suffer much less anxiety.
When you’re confident you can make decisions without relying on other people’s opinions because you value your judgment and trust your instincts. Realizing everyone has an opinion of just about everything, but as Les Brown says;
Someone’s opinion of you does NOT have to become your reality - Les Brown
Have you noticed when someone shows jealousy of another person’s success, whether it’s a smart car they drive, a nice house, or their success? This is normally because the jealousy is fueled by their own lack of self-confidence which leads them to put down confident people.
Genuine, confident people tend to have good people skills. They make others feel welcome and valued, they encourage their friends and colleagues to be their best. They are also:
- Good listeners
- Treat everyone equal
- Positive, see the good
- Have more energy
- Motivation to get things done
- Don’t let anyone’s status affect them.
What Makes A Person Self-Confident?
When you have confidence you have a calm, quiet self-assurance about yourself without the need to brag or shout about your achievements and victories in life.
A person with confidence will remove themselves from negative or toxic relationships including a workplace that isn’t fulfilling or is stifling their progress
Confident people create their own circumstances rather than waiting for something to happen. For example, if you’re fed up with your job, rather than moan about it to anyone who will listen, take action to either look for another position or start your own business and reap your own rewards.
When you have self-confidence:
- You’re focused
- Have goals in life
- Know what you want
- Know your own strengths
- Realize you deserve better
- Know where you are going in life
- Can deal with whatever life throws at you
Being confident also means having healthy self-respect, so while doing what you can for friends, you also have boundaries and won’t tolerate being taken advantage of.
Even if other people don’t agree every time, the confident individual will remain true to themselves because they have good morals and beliefs.
What Are The Signs Of Lack Of Confidence?
When someone is lacking in confidence they can act in a negative way towards people. This can be putting other people down with cutting comments or looking down on someone if they think they are better than them.
This is seen in companies sometimes, with hierarchy and different management levels.
Just because a person is in a higher position they think it’s OK to speak down to, use cutting comments, or use sarcasm to belittle their staff and berate people.
I’ve seen this so many times in the workplace and the individual with the supposed higher position thinks it’s acceptable to not only unnecessarily shout at a worker but then go on to laugh whilst trying to look funny and clever to their colleagues.
Staying with the workplace scenario, there are the seemingly innocent ones that gather at break times and spend time gossiping about a colleague who’s not in the room.
Of course, they would never do this if that person was in the room with them. The individual that lacks self-confidence would never say these things to people’s faces.
Not everyone with low self esteem or poor confidence will go on the attack, some other signs are when they take everyone’s comments and opinions to heart.
This can result in a person who doesn’t feel confident, trying to please everyone and reacting to any comments at every turn. We’ve all heard the phrase “you can’t please all the people, all of the time”.
Another big one is making excuses for everything whilst second-guessing their own thoughts and actions.
I must admit I’ve been guilty of this, especially when starting a new project or business idea. The CD’s (creeping doubts) can be overwhelming.
It can be the end of a busy day and many plans have been made, only to have the thoughts rush in that evening or the following day, with that nagging voice in the back of the brain with, can you really do this? maybe it won’t work for you, are you sure this is the correct way? and on and on it can go.
There comes a time when we’ve just got to focus on the small wins and successes and believe that as long as we’ve done the groundwork, then yes, it can work for me.
What Are The Characteristics Of A Confident Person?
I can tell you from experience that when you start to become more confident, there’s a general calming feeling that wasn’t there before. It’s the stress and anxiety that existed when all the self-doubt and worrying used to control almost all my thoughts and actions.
Some of the characteristics when you have confidence are that you start to genuinely feel happy for other people’s success and happiness. I’m far more likely to congratulate someone now for their achievements whereas without confidence I would resent it.
You’ll also start to listen to people more, taking their opinions on board and considering their feelings.
As you start to gain more confidence you’ll notice your internal self talk becoming more positive and you'll start giving yourself a break, and treating yourself well.
When you find more ways to build your confidence you find you start taking more pride in your appearance
It becomes easier to take calculated risks when you’ve learned to build more confidence in yourself because you start to believe you deserve some success and why not take a chance on some things you’ve always wanted to do?
People tend to follow individuals who are confident and have healthy self respect for themselves, so if you lead groups either at work or in the community, you’ll see a difference in people’s attitudes and respect towards you.
Doing what you said you’d do. This is a big one for me. It seems so simple and straightforward but if people just did those things they said they would do, it would make such a difference. So if you said you were going to call someone then do it.
Don't let anyone down and keep your word, it’s all part of having respect for them and you.
How Do You Act And Show Confidence?
Here are a few pointers to help you act more confident
Don’t talk for the sake of talking, offer input when necessary, try to make it quality.
Don’t compare yourselves to others or seek anyone’s approval. You have individual qualities that makes you unique.
Realize perfection isn’t reality, and it’s worth getting things wrong at first and learn from it
Rather than spending so much time thinking about how you’re perceived by people, just BE. Many people call it getting out of your head.
Take a step out of your comfort zone and do something that you’ve been putting off or been fearful of. Think “what’s the worst that can happen” and if that happens, can I deal with it? If so, go for it
Knowing the qualities of confident people, set goals for your aims, and be proud of your achievements, even the small wins.